Thanks… for the hug..!

Got a call from an old friend
We used to be real close
Said he couldn’t go on the faithful way.. coz he seems to hav lost all faith… n belief…
Closed the shop, sold the house (closed all paths of righteosness)
Bought a ticket to the West Coast (his way, or no way)
Now he gives them a stand-up routine in L.A. (there’s a tree full of fruits.. choose, whatever you think may please you.. n she’s all yours)

I don’t need you to worry for me cause I’m alright
I don’t want you to tell me it’s time to come home (time to stop… believing.. )
I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, and leave me alone

I still belong…  don’t get me wrong.. jus sayin this coz as always you do…

They will tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place (coz u need love… someday you will.. that is if u had a heart…)
Then they’ll tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody ELSE ( not exactly the one you wished for… but what you got… what you chose to go for…)
Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space (alone in heart)
Either way it’s okay, you wake up with yourself (again alone… sadly..)

I still belong, don’t get me wrong
And you can speak your mind
But not on my time

I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, and leave me alone

(Keep it to yourself, it’s my life.)
(Keep it to yourself, it’s my life.)

wow….. i jus ruined the whole song… just like that…
well you see there are times even when you have to give the best to the worst… when people don’t giv a damn to understand or care to listen…. its sad.. very true… n like a friend said… “it’s the ppl u care the most for end up hurtin u.. ” and her friend’s reply was so damn right… or was it??

thanks, for the hug! i reallyy needed one..

on btw if u’d care to know… THIS was an extract… lik u expectd it to be… coz ” I, am a person who doesnt know to do anything by myself for my own… leav alone others.. “
i took the lyrics.. n edited it hw i wantd it to luk like…
but the words cme straight from the heart… u’d get the simple thoery behind it only if u listn to it with ur heart n not just ur ears… but wait.. whom am i talkin to… i jst forgt that u dnt hav ny heart to listn with… leav aside love…

so sad… uhhmmmm n im just wastin my breath mutterin hre… y wud i care… think wat u want… see if i care… may b u wer right.. mayb things might not work out… the way i wish them to be… but faith, i will always have n i will always believe… in what i believe…

i will atleast be happy that i tried and have no regrets saying that i dint even try…

and thanks again… for the hug!

say what you need to say.. and i’ll be there for you…

isnt it jus so amazing how 2 lil songs sung together with all your happy memories, all you cud think of, cud put back things back to the way you want em to be?? i mean, when you feel like the whole worlds apart and you’re totally down.. that everything doesnt mean anything at all… a simple song does the magic.. ok two actually..

for two days n till just a couple of hours ago all i felt was that everything, every happy n gud feeling inside me has gone lost… everything seemed so glum n gloomy.. nothing could make me happy.. tried.. i was down down and down.. TRYIINN to get my head outta the 101million probs n issues n thunderin bunch of work…

hmmm but it all jus wentt awayyyyyyyy when i heard dis sonngg play on my comp…. it’s like all the bad things just got washed away and guuuuuuuuudd feelings came on flowing into my mind… not totalllyyy saiiintish ones.. but yeah gud happy ones… gud intentions.. nice.. happy feelings… all i wanna do right nw is to make sum1 feel happi… nothing else cant make me happier now…

every moment.. the world’s apart for sum1… evry moment sum1’s alone… evry1 needs sum1 to b with them… loneliness kills… n right nw.. not be there for someone.. murders man..! my friend jus had his worst day of his life and things just cant get worse for him… all i pray for now is his happiness and hope things go allright.. bless ya man..!

it was just 2 days ago when i felt the same way.. and a darling lil friend came in with the same lovely song n made my entire day n filled it up with the luvely warm sunny-shine! thank u dum dum!

wel nw she’s gone.. but not for long.. n i just happnd to feel lik the world toppled over me…! heheee its d luvvv u left i gess….. hehehheee

y’day was bad.. bad bad..! nothing felt alright! nothing.. jus nothing… twas raining all day and no sight of sunshine.. dark gloomy and cold..! and the same it was this mornin… glooomy…. as ever.. it felt like the whole world is all full of misery, trouble, issues,  issues and only issues but nothing else… and then these songs play… one after the other n makes everything alright and put back things in place.. wel not everything.. but atleast everything that you need to hold yourself from falling apart and traumatizing again and again and getting nothing done at all…

n now all i wanna do is to reach out n b there for sum1…sm1 in need… i jst feel lik i’e been  vaccinated wit a bunch of guuuuud feeelins… runnin down the veins n coming back to the heart… not very likely of me but it feels gud… all i wanna do is to put a smile back on a face.. 2 b responsbile for the smile in one’s smile.. jus lik u put in mine.. a happi one..!

nw considerin the thunderin pile, bunch n bucket load of work i hav to do n things to look in i leav u wit d msg to “b thr for sum1 n fyl happi abt urslf” trust me it reli makes u smile.. to see one smilin bcz of u… jus do it n see hw nice it feels…

hmmm byeee for nw.! shall b bak wen evrythin goes crazzzyyy!

 

hmmm i dnt actualli think tht i conveyd the msg tht i reli wanted to and reli made any sense at all… but oh heck… the words went long away bfor i gt myslf to write… hehee cya!

:) and now it all feels so worthwhile :) and not just “worthwhile”… Valuable!! Meaningful!!!!! Luvvvable!!!!!!!!!! :) thank youuuuuu! :D

see nw i can actually prove to u dat im gng totally crazyyyyyyyy…. a few minutes ago i rembr losin all faith in all wht i do n wht i plan to do…. n nw im lovin it all agn… i kw dat dis sounds all so crazy.. but wht do i do? moodddd swingsssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im startin to luvv evryting n evry1 agn…. well nt actualli everyone n everything… i still hate a very few selected ppl n things…. for certain reasons… ahh they’d all clear awayyy n i’ll definitely get ovr it wit em…. heheee i was jus losin it all a few moments ago n its all coming back to me now…. agaiiiiiinnnnn n it feels soooooo good…. forget all the frustrations n headaches n all ur “so called problems….” oh this feels so gud…. its jusssss amaaziiinnn… walkin lik a one man armyyy… hehee nw its 2! no point fightin wit d shadows on ur head…!!! jus let em figt n die…

it’s bettr to sayy too muchhhhhhh dan nevr to sayyy wht u neeed to sayyyyyy!!!! oooooohhhhhh gt me singin!!!!!!!!!! me luv u so much n am sooooooooo honored to kw u me dum twit.!!!!!!! 

tanku tanku tanku!!!!

it’s amazzzzzzzinn hw a lil bit of inspiration accompanied by a lil song takes ur heaaaaarrrrrttt awayyyyyy from all ur problems into a braaaaannnd new world full of happiness n so much of luvvvvvvv!!! ! n it feeeels so gud  to b sooo happi n 2 hve ppl lik u wit me!!

screw all d bad things… life is full of happi thingsss ..

does it all mean something…?? well it bettr!

for a moment… i feel like everything i do does mean something, but then again i just happen to question myself askin whether it really does??? does it??? i mean killing myself over all the workload and responsibilities? ok that word might sound a bit heavy as it is… but too bad it is.. i reli dnt kw whthr i can reli make out any sense of wht i am saying right now coz i am just lostlost lost….!

y do i just luvvvv to take responsibility and do stuff??? y cant i jus hang aroun chillin lik evry1 else does?? is it this stupid ambition of mine like my frend’s to make a change???  a difference???  in anothr persons lif?? well it’s good and it’ll feel so damn good if i cud..!

but for a moment i unwillingly though, come to think WHYYYYY???? what does it mean to MEEEEE??? tru it will do some good…! but how??? n when am i gng to make sumthing diferent in me????? to help make the world a better place is indeed a great piece of work to do..! to take responsibility in projects and go thru a lot of shit to get thru them is a relief…. but i surely seek for more than just relief right now.. i need happiness… but i just dnt kw hw and where to find it… should i just listen to my mum and stay out of all this work? or should i continue working my  ass over all this work which sometimes makes me feel all so miserable and not really  so worth it? i feel so demotivated for the first time in my life… at a time where i dont really need it and want it to be the other way around… i say that it is soo great to be part of all the work and part of a wonderful movemnt and to take rsponsibility for actions and say how much i learn and gain out of it…. but the question is… does it?? dos it really give me anything at all in the end… i kw that it  does in someway … like the awsum bunch of friends i’ve made during the past 6 months and it feels great to work with them… to do stuff again.. to take responsibility and do projects…. but whyyyyyyy on earth do i feel that i shouldnt be doing all this???? when i sooo want to be there.. whyyyyyy  do feel that no one else does???? this feeling is bad… i kw… i dnt want to feel lik this nemore… i need to be happy with wht i do.. i just wish that evrything i do and take responsibility to do carries some meaning in it and does make a considerable degree of change… well nt in othrs but atlst myslf.. for the momnt.. cuz rite nw… it’s me that i care for….oh i dnt want to say this no no no !!!!! y do i feel lik im smewhr tht i dnt hav to b???

this might sound so selfish but im just soo workd up and annoyd wit myslf…. hmph..!!! idk this feeling is odd…. i kw that all of this sounds soo wrng… bt i feel so crappy nw… this is nt hw i wnt to b… is it that im just so annoyd wit wht i do jus bcz ppl critisize??? or do i jus miss d ppl i luv d most???

:S idk and it’s “happy things”, i keep lookin for…

hmmmmm…. :) :) :)

hmmm….. i rembr sayin abt hw much u CANT place trust on ppl hu’ve been aroun u for e lng tym… n nw all of a sudden it seems like you can… i hope i wnt hve to eat my words bak agn… cuz i reli reli dnt wnt to…

all of a sudden… surprisingly… n shockingly.. it now seems to me that they really do care to pay attention and listen  to what i hav to say when i have sumthing to say.. n it looks like they try to understand… although i dnt kw whthr they actually get the core of it. which really doesn’t matter though… to see them atlst try is actually a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggge relief… its niiice to see ppl understandin atlst a ding out of wht u say and not always being disagreeable to what you have to say and gives a damn to atlst pay some attention.. n show sum care… it reli dusnt mattr if they dnt reli get the core of wht i hve to say as long as they atlst hav the courtesy to listen and atlst pay some attention and show some care… it’s a much bettr feeling to see that, than feeling tht u’ve been ditched frm expressin urslf to ppl…

nt dat i reli dnt care whthr ppl do get the core of wht i hv to say wen i hav smething to say.. i do… i’d b reli happi if they cud… bt i cud liv wit them showin some attention n caring to atlst listen n puttin some effort to unstnd smething out of it…. hehee jus hope tht i wnt hav to eat these words bak… cz i reli dnt wanna….. things jus gt better nw n i wnt em happy things to remain n grow.. n nt go away…. kw dat happiness is nt forevr… bt we r all human beings hu liv in this world n we all wish for lasting happiness… hehee luks lik same case here wit me…. im still one of u’ll ….loooooooooooooool shall b back wenevr i cud b botherd… hehee.. till den… cyaaa..!

:) it’s beginning to be all so worthwhile… :)

k nw…  jus a minute ago i was jus so annoyd… bt nt nemore… dats all ovr… cnt reli b bothrd to actually think abt it cz i kw dat it reli dsnt help..

hehee im all gudd nw… mood danggglllllles!!!!!!! n swaaaayyyyyyyyysssss…

all the hard times i’ve been thru, all the rest i broke, all the scolding i heard, the hard work, long nights, n everything… seems all so worthwhile when you see how much you’ve actually learnt through all of it…. n to see how much more it could do for you and everyone else as well…

Interact was nevr the way i though it wud be when i first joined the club when my old president pulld me into this “awsum club whr u cn see alot of girls”, he called it… hehee and so i joined… (A) big deal… it’s natural… so beat it and so on it went the way he said it was… but only for sum tym… until i realized wht it really means and hw guuuuuuuud it feels to be part of this so wonderful movement.. the learnings u get from it is worth  all the trouble you have to go through to get things done for a lifetime… yes, tru… it does get pretty annoying when you get to do so much of workload and responsibility when you join a project – people to manage, resources to allocate, cash to find and many many more silly n totally pointless stuff to do… things that really doesn’t seem to mean anything easy or worthwhile all at the start of it.. but trust me… in the end it’s all worthwhile, although you may not realize it very soon…. but u will, soon enough…

but trussssssst me,,, it’s a shit load of work that you hav to go thru when it comes to projects and stuff….tiring n hectic, nearly breaks ur nerves smetimes… but its also a really funfilled experience at the same time.. you get to work with a whole bunch of different people, all who strive (well obviously not all of them)  to achive this one goal you’ve planned, or planned into.. you get to know hw to actually do stuff n get things done by people… u learn to striiiiive for achievment…. n u really get to know people so very well by working togethr as a team… the awsum bunch of friends you could make is jus totally amaaaaazzzzzzzin.!!!!

mayyyyyy b you some REALLY put themselves into work and do not receive the recognition or appreciation for what they’ve done… the appreciation and recognition they deserve… and certain people who don’t really deserve  it at all get away with all of it….. but in the end thats nt what really matters… awards and citations really dont mean anything all……. i’ll call them “souvenirs of recognition of work” just for the respect… but it really doesn’t mean anything at all… at the end of the day what really matters is how happy you are with what you have actually done and learnt… it’s not about winning an award at an awards night or being recognized for what you’ve done – well to be, is a good thing though.. – but its really good thing about being in interact is what it teaches you, about vaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrious things in life.. not just problem solving and project planning….  there’s a lot more to it to be in the movement… the exposure you get to and about the real world out there….the reallyyy awsum things you could do and the really awsm ppl you get to know… thats what really matters… the self-confidence, understanding, awareness, n lot more tings… well there’s a hell lot more things that really matter that’d take a day and a half to really explain….this could be my last year but i REALLY!!! dont want to leav this so wonderful movement that has given so much to me..

taught me so many worthwhile things,….that i’d never forget…

given me sooooo luving friends…. whom i’d never leave….. bugggin

it’d take me a book and a half to tell you all about hw i feel nw… but i leav it for you to experience than read…

it certainly is worth it..!

n u’ll miss everything n everyone soooooooo much……!!! wen they’re not with u!!!

but u’ll still know to do the right thing, than just doing things right…

u’ll know what’s right n what’s not….

it’s worth it… a million times i say it… it’s worth it.. being an interactor…

ViVa La Interact!

do i luk lik i care? ….well…. to spk the actual truth… nt reli… nt nemore….

why is it that people don’t just get it when u say sumthinG??? is it just that they are so retarded that they don’t understand, or is it just that they dont want to listen to what you are trying to say? well its just NOT funnnyy….. wen u’ve gt this thing inside you, that you so want to tell sum1, or you hav to tell sum1, or mayb evn you dont reli WANT to say but in some way NEED to spill it cuz someone who thinks that he really SHOULD know it, and they expect it from you, spit right outside from you…

and whats so damn freakin annoying is that they so want to know it and when you do finally say it, the way it really is that they either wish that they really never knew it, or they just think it’s so rubbish! for me to think lik that… i just dont get it..! ppl are different, tru. nt evry1 think the same way as i do. tru. but ppl shud certainly atlst TRY to understnd wat n y sum1 thinks n says sumthing, if they really bother so much  to knw abt it all….

and the freakin cnfusin thing abt is that the ppl u’ve bn kwing for so long, n so well just happen to become the ones who reli dnt get a ding out of wht u say and just say abt hw wrng it is to think lik tht.. without even having heard or listend to wat it reli is all abt…. prejudice.! its just  lik they dnt evn care! well damn it.! b that way!! i dnt giv a freakin damn.! i dnt think u shud reli kw nemore abt wht I think…… its better to either keep it for myself or tell it to sm1 hu really does care n bothers to atlst listen n at lst TRY their utmost to understand it the way it is.

n im happi tht i hav a LiL BuNcH™ of those who actually do understand certain things tht i say….n the funny thing is tht i dint kw them for like a decade…. its just been a couple of munths… n them ppl r the ones hu understand stuff the way they are, or atlst try to… its them that i reli care for frm nw onwards coz it reli seems worth it to do so…. it’s better to b with those who make u feel gud abt wht u hve to say than to be with those who always just have to prejudicize n make u feel bad abt wht u think all the time bcoz of thier so narrow-mindedness… retards!

† guilty!! † ^@%%))&__+*+*>……!!!!!!!!!! if you only knew……..why

i’m a sinner!

i’ve never ever hated myself this much for anything.! never felt this guilty and bad about myself!

i totally suck! i just want to kill myself.! i’d really jump off a cliff coz i jst cant take it nemore….. what i’ve done -  is really bad. something  that i really never should have ever done, to a person like that.

she was THE bestest friend i’ve ever made and would ever meet in a life time. she’s was such gud persn, actually the best person i’ve ever met. and this is what i did. hmph.! i feel lik reli killin myself rather than puttin this into words.!

she was succhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a gud frnd, really loving, really caring. i really dnt have the words to express her qualities coz there is just sooooooooooo much. in bottom line, out of all my friends, actually out of all the people in this world i know – she was THE most loving n caring person one could ever meet in a lifetime, n now feel that I’ve taken all of that away frm her… no wait, that’s impossible,. she always loved us. and i strongly hope that she still does, even after what i’ve done, which really deserves nothing else but a slap in my face and a killing. i feel like i took it all from her by what just did.

there she was getting ready to go for her conference in india, going thru all the work and still hating to leave us n go there for 5 days. what she wantd was not to really go there at that time, but to be with us and spend her time with us. that’s what she thought was really worth it than going for a united nations conference in india. all she wantd to do was to be there in galle with the rest of us. And I just had to take it all awayy from her by asking her to go there and  just stayyy for ever – which i really never ever meant at all……. but really broke her heart in pieces. and again i was insensitive enough to PLAY around with her feelings by tempting myself over all the love she had to us, by playing a prank on her. i just dnt kw how i could have been so foolish to have had done that. i got together with a friend and played a prank on her, having her sitting right in front of us……… i just had to tempt myself over all the love n care she showed to us by playing the fool around. i just had to send her prank texts saying that we’re badly injured and cudnt cme. and what she sent back was sooooooooooo…. i just dnt kw what to say. it was such a loving thing.. she really thought what i said was tru and believed what i said. and i was still insensitive enogh, even aftr seeing what she had sent, i was such an idiot, a looser, a real dum piece of shit, to tempt myself over the extreme love and care she had for us, by continuing the prank. i  was such a looser to tempt myself over such a stupid, idiotic thing over all the love and care she had. now i really want to kill myself.!!>>!>!!*%&%&%!!!!!!!!

how insensitive i was towards her feelings…. how could i’ve been so foolish… i did all of this, knowing how sensitive she is. i could never  ever forgive myself for what i just did. i was such a looser to have had played with her totally innocent feelings…. how couldn’t i have thought the way she felt about stuff lik this… she was innocent enough, and so sensitive that she couldnt take a bite of food, seeing us fasting. she  prefered bieng hurt than hurting anyone else. she never had and hopefully never will have any intentions of hurting anyone at any cost, but would rather  hurt herself, not knowing that she doesn’t deserve anything near that. and now it seems that  I have been the one to give her that… i feel as if i hav hurt her to the max.! i was evil enough to play the devil with her feelings lik that. i was cruel enough to hav hurt her in such a way.

she nly wantd to kw whthr we wer there…. i thought that she alredi knew… but i just had to take the chance and play the hell with her innocent heart.

i would never ever forgive myself even if she would…. i don’t expect her  to forgive me after having had said those things and doing these…. but i reli reli cant aford to lose a person like that which is why i would give anything to hav her back n put things back in place  where they should be…. if only she would to talk to me i could explain wht i really feel, i know that i wouldnt hav the words to but stilll……. i sooooo want to say how sorry i am for what i have done….. i dnt kw whthr i deserv to b her frnd nemore even….. i just feeel so guilty that i would literally kill myself to death than being hated by her for the rest of mylife…. coz that kills me even worse…. but that’s what i really deserve aftr wht i just did…. but i sooooooooooooooo dnt want it to b lik that…. shes  suchhhhhhhh a nice person to let go…. n taht is sumthing i just cant do… even if i tried to …. that still wudnt b even the last thing on earth i wud do…. she luvvs ppl sooooo vry much wen she does n could really hate ppl too… both in such an unimaginable way…. n i reli cant afford to let that happn… no never…. i would reallyy literally.. kill myself… it would still be a million times better than being hated by suchhh a prsn…… and now it feels like she really does hate me……… n i would give annnnnnnnnnything in the world to hav her back…………

i reli regret wht i’ve done… and swear to god that i’ll never ever do anything lik that agn….

if she could only giv me one last chane, i could tell her really how sorry i am….. i really neeeeeeeed to….. if she would only listen to me for one last time………. goodddddddddddd pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaase……..

im reli, sincerely, sorryyy…………………… truly…. i nw realiz that wht i’ve done is something tht i should nevr evr had done….. im so sorryyy… if u cud only forgive me n giv me just one last chance….

if you only knew the reason behind me bng lik tht to u  was all only bcz i luvvvvd uuu soooo muchhhhhh……… n nevr evr in the world thought of hurrting youuuu……… if you only knew……

……………………………………………………

are u a real friend??????

It’s really sad to see the people you place most of your trust and have the most of faith on let you down at situwations just when you need them the most. it hurts when the people you call your own don’t trust or have any faith on you, it is pain to know that they do not understand a shit of what you say to them honestly and open, and it is just so unappealing when they, the people you place your trust and have faith on, friends, always tend to let you down whenever they’re really needed by you. it is again so unappealing when they disagree with  whatever you say without giving the slightest consideration to what you say and just don’t give a damn to at least have the courtesy to listen, but to disagree, discriminate and humiliate upon what you say. It sucks, it seriously does. And to see a person whom you call your ‘best freind’ doing so, its sucks seriously big tym and tears you straight down to the core.!

It may be with or without realizing how hurt, frustrated or disappointed you could be that they do this, but it is upto them to realize that it really sucks to do so. And it is upto you – that is if you want the so called friendship to last – to convince them, or at least let them know what you honestly feel. But yet again, that alone certainly does not seem to help at all situwations – well in this case – not at all. They or the person you talk to should have some sense of understanding and tolerance to what you say – which some people really seem to lack – in order to really get into themselves and understand the core of the shit you say. They should at least have the courtesy to listen and give some thought to what you say and be able to look into things (at least slightly) the way you see it, and at least try to understand and not just to stick into their own hypothesises and see things just the way they want it to be. Still, if it is that that they want to do, and don’t give a damn to your thoughts at all, I do not see any mean for that friendship or relationship to last any further. It would be just another so called relationship which has got no real meaning behind it or any reason for it to exist any long or at all.

Still, if you think it is worthwhile to have them, look for chances where they could be approached, in a good manner, trying not just to blame them, but make them realize. And still!, if they just don’t seem to realize what the shit you are saying, I would not waste my time, energy or nything trying to make them do so. I would rather spend it on the people who really do care (if there are any left.. which i believe is yes.) rather than just wasting it at a psychologically and emotionally underdeveloped or even retarded mind.

By writing this blog i sincerely do not mean to offend anyone at any point as i personally do not see any outcome to me be by doing so, but knowing (or may be even not) that there is a possibility of guilt erupting in one’s mind, if he is psychologically and emotionally developed enough to do so.

May god’s blessings be upon the lost souls who cared to read this ‘theory’ of mine.. and may god never let any such thing happen to any of you.!

why?

hmmmm……… now where n how exactly to start would be the prob right now..!!

wht da heck.! mutter nutter (*&*%&&..!

okayyyyyyyyyy den.!

i do not wish to introduce myself to you firstly may b coz im a totally lost perosn tryin to figr out who i am… ok i gess dat gives u a hint of who i am  …. and coz i really don’t fancy writing self introductions… i wud rather introduce anothr … nevrmind abt wht dat is abt.. and what -i think – got me into dis bloggin thing wud b certain changes i noticed in myself recently n mostly my wierd influences, obsessions n addictions in relation to all sorts of interestingly wierd stuff done by my friends which i find extremely fascinatin for sum really wierd reason and often try to do the same… hehee..

well, it is with the basic purpose of understanding my self by expressing myself about views on different aspects of life that i come across that i plan to start and hopefully continue this weblog. i (metaphorically, not literally) wish to simply rip my self open, not to the world, but to myself.

i hav planned to start writing not only bcoz of the above mentioned reason but also because i have realize certain changes in character that i happened to notice occuring right inside of me. this may be due to recent influences through the vast variety f people i happened to meet during the past 8 months of my life, or still may be some other reason which i still havent come to realizing, but hopefully will do sooner or later… i am in the process of getting to know insights of various people i come across.. people from various backgorunds and with various peonalities… i try to understand them and see me in them and also vice versa, which i know is absolutely none of my business too peep into peoples lives and see what they do … but i cant help it right now as i find it somewhat interestin than really looking into to my life …. which i should be doing… well the problem here is that minding my own business bores me down to death… so right now i prefer others..

the way of how people get influenced by certain other people and how they do things and how they work it out successfully is a pretty interesting thing to study… also the amazing things people do with just a little bit of inspiration is so amazing…

i have looked into the lives of many people, friends of mine often, and have come to realized that the prson inside them is not what the actual person who sees them is. the way some people take things into their heads is rather complicating. how, many desperate people tend to be over obsessed over goals they wish to achieve, or should i say - things they wish to have – and screw everything up, how easily one could come into the stupidest, the most idiotic conclusions, about life, based on utter prejudice, to see is sad.

it is also very appealing to se how some posess the gift  of seeing things the way it is and the way it should be, the right way and live their lives happily ever after. but do they really? the question remains… well thats as far as i would bother to go into a persons life.. a person whom i don’t want to go looking into a life that i dont want going looking on and on about… does it really matter, if that person doesnt give a damn that i care? it may.. but no thanks… i still have other business to look into…

it is sad to see that out of evryone that only a few belong to the latter of the tow kinds of people i have been  mutterin about.. and i wish to belong to the latter… but will that really help me? or should i go living my life the “normal” way? how evryone else does… i dnt really know… im still in the process of understanding..but wouldn’t that be taking life for granted?…. i hav no clue…

although it may b of human nature to learn from their mistakes, most of what i’ve learnt about life is thru other’s… not that i don’t make mistakes… i do.. i do screw up a lot of stuff… hell yeah, i do.. but its just that i nevr seem to always learn a shit out of it… does that make me inhuman? i am not a perfect person! no one is, no one will ever be… but i continue learning… coz life is a lesson, you learn it wen ur thru..

hmmmph… i think i’m done for the night..

and how unusual of me… i’ve managed to write half a book in my firstblog, whereas i cant even find the words to write at school essays and may lord have mercy upon the poor souls who actually bothered to read all of this crap.. and i have no idia about what i should end this, nor do i hav ny intention of botherin myself lookin for away, so i’ll just let it be… and will be back wen sumthin pops up in my mind or “clicks” me… lol lik thats evr gng to happen… nyways.. this is where i leav ya… lol